t.i.l.t. #7 – procrastinated edition

It’s been a very long while since I’ve posted a “Things I love Thursday” post, due to working and moving and other life altering events and whatnot… So although I do realise it’s Monday, I’d like to post a few things that make me smile that have been filling up my list. Here goes:

Hanging around on Sunday morning

I absolutely luuurv this. Having the time to say screw you to the alarm clock (that actually already starts Saturday night), taking a luxurious breakfast with eggs or pancakes or The BF… Not having a time schedule. Walking around in peace. Enjoying the one day I don’t need to have a guilty conscience when I’m lazy.

Cherry Hubba Bubba

I love the taste, I love that it reminds me of childhood – a worry free time when I would even split them with my bff, I love that I still think it’s fun to have a red-dyed tongue. I love the consistency and that I learned to blow bubbles with them.

Rainbow sprinkles

First, again, plain and simple because of the fun factor. And it makes any desert look more yummy. Especially a rainbow cake.

Being able to rub my eyes without make-up

It was true before, but even more so since I’ve started wearing make-up on every day to work. My face gets a rest on the week-ends, unless I go out. And not having to think about smudging every time I want to rub my eyes is a big relief – and so much more satisfying!

Queer as Folk & the CSD

I finally got to witness the Christopher Street Day parade this year, right on my balcony. It’s colorful, it’s loud, it’s fun. Best parade ever. On the same note, it reminded me of “QaF”, a well made TV series about homosexuality (even before the L-Word hype) – and it’s british!

Following songs

(some are old, some are new, all are borrowed, none are blue):

Amanda Blank – DJ

The Prodigy – Omen

The Gossip – Heavy Cross

[Note: I do understand that Beth Ditto is some sort of role-model or fashion icon for the morbidly obese, but I cannot condone it]

The Dresden Dolls – Coin Operated Boy

[Note: too bad there wasn't a good live video, because then one line would be replaced by "I can even take him in the ass..."]

Hi, my name is [...] and I’m a psychologist.

That’s what I get to say at least once a week, during the first round in the group therapy. We have a red ball that is tossed around – everyone says who they are, what a hobby of theirs is and what was nice during the week-end. I always felt like I was lying the first several times I introduced myself as such. Like: wait – those people on TV, who get interviewed when something went wrong and have “diplomed psychologists” written under their names, I’m like them? I’m supposed to know stuff? Where did that come from?! Needless to say, it took some getting used to. As if I had to practice it at all times: Hi, I’m a psychologist, and I’d like a side of fries with that. Here’s a copy of my diploma.

My second week at the clinic wasn’t much about doing psych-stuff anyway, since I had to take three days off. Exactly the three days I would usually work on. See, next to the work at the clinic and the theory hours on evenings and week-ends, my class also has what is called “self-experience” courses. It’s much less esoteric than it sounds: on those three days we drove out to some hick town in the middle of nowhere (literally, it had about 700 residents) to stay at a lodge (we had to pay ourselves) to get to know each other, form some group cohesion and practice different therapeutic techniques on each other. Until next gathering we also have to think about and send in what our “topic” could be: a personal problem or reoccurring theme that could hinder us in our role as therapists. It gets pretty personal and I felt completely empty at the end of those three days. We did get to bond real well, though. I have a great group: everybody is empathetic and non-judgemental, we all get along, but everyone still has a distinct and different personality.

Back at the psychiatry, I was having a much harder time integrating. It’s not like we had rounds where we would gather and talk about ourselves. Slowly, one after the other, I tried to remember all the names of the shift-changing nurses, the ward doctors, the assistants, etc. Luckily, there’s another psychologist on ward who’s in the same situation as I am, only much further in his formation. So I stuck by him in the first time and tried to learn the ropes. In my head I was just counting the days till the week after, when we were finally supposed to get some time in an office. We’d have to share it with a third person, but at least it’s a place to put our stuff down and have some computer access. I didn’t have many therapy sessions yet, but I did take over the relaxation group. First I have to round up the patients, then I explain what the progressive muscle relaxation technique is about and how it works, then the relaxing begins. At least for them. I have to keep a steady voice and weed out the disruptive ones – quietly. At the end of the group I always do a feedback round, where everyone gets to say how they experienced it and what bothered them. I got so much positive response that I was totally pumped up when I left. The BF later asked me, while we were at the gym, what happened, because I seemed so aggressive. I wasn’t angry – my job is just so exciting!

So, what’s it like?

Yeesh, I can’t believe it took me over a month to get back to my story. Now there’s even more to cram into this poor little post! September can be summed up quite quickly: I was deciding / preparing to move out of my apartment and take over a new one, previously owned by a good friend of mine – but that’s an entirely different story, which will need its own post. This friend was moving to a city far, far away, while another good friend was leaving for a year abroad. Lots of good-byes and sadness in September, while I was also trying to keep those few friendships that were still here going. I wasn’t sure how it would be when my apprenticeship started – would I get along with the others in my group, or would I be left friendless? I was anxious to meet these new people but also sceptical due to some “bad apple” stories I had heard. Finally, on September 24th, it was the moment of truth. My first day of school – again. I was the last to get there, just in time. We had assigned seats with name signs and a big folder with our name on it. Then came three hours of explaining of the formalities in that folder by an uptight, possibly anal-retentive secretary. Fun. Needles to say, I didn’t get to know the other candidates very much. A few I had seen on the day of the interview, some others I knew from the university. But there’s only so much you can tell by staring at people.

Two weeks later, on October 5th, is when I started my job at the clinic. Or rather: when I should have started. Because my contract was nowhere to be found. I was off to a good start: the ward doctor had ignored the e-mail concerning our getting to know each other before I start, and no one on the ward had heard of me. It was fun to introduce myself as psychologist for the first (and second, and third, …) time, though. Since I didn’t have a work contract, we all agreed I should just sit and watch. For the most part. Since we psychologists are apparently worth nothing, we also don’t have an office or any supplies that go with it. With no contract, I also had no keys. Or ID card. So I started scraping binders and papers together where I could and copied and took notes. I was an intern, once again. On my second day of “work”, still no contract. That relaxation group I was supposed to direct? A CD did it in my place – but I did sign the patients attending cards. On the third day, they finally managed to conjure up my contract. It stated: one year, no vacation, no payment. Huzza! So now that I was allowed to (i.e. insured to) actually do stuff, I had two diagnostic tests, a structured interview and a therapeutic session to accomplish. Let the stress begin.

[To be continued]