I am unnerved

when you say that just when we’re about to work out, and I’ve been trying to convince myself all day long that I should do this, although I really really really don’t want to.

when after the workout I realize that this wasn’t the all-bearing torture I was absolutely positive it was going to be and it might even help. So now, I sadly have no further reason to complain. Thanks a lot.

I am uplifted

when you say, without asking, that you don’t understand why I want to work out, since I look perfectly fine, don’t need to lose weight or anything else in that area of thought.

I heart dooce

Let me explain why I’m so impressed with her.

First of all, she describes herself as a Shit Ass Ho Motherfucker just under a picture of her where she looks astonishingly elegant. She is so popular that she now lives off of her website, just as her husband does, the Shit Ass Ho Fuckingbadass, whom she always pays unabashed compliments to. Four million people read her blog, an average of 400 leave comments – daily – and now, I am one of them.

The first time I read one of her posts, I was laughing the whole time. By myself, in front of the computer. And I usually don’t laugh out loud for no reason. It was so refreshing to see someone not only make fun of themselves (see point 1), but be able to do that in a way that was neither self-loathing nor unfunny to those who read it. Then I went into overdrive and read a year worth of her posts in one day. I was hooked.

That was about her first year of blogging, 2001. And although she was hardly older than me at the time, she could already write with that now legendary sense of humour. The more I read the more I realised that we had things in common (I’m not going into detail here) and that there were parts of me she reminded me of and with which I would like to reconnect with again.

She is exactly 10 years older than me, is married, has a kid and two dogs. She is not afraid to put up posts about poop, alcohol, sex, or her life as a recovering Mormon. Throughout the pages of her blog you can retrace history – how she met “the roommate”, lost her job, got married, moved back to Utah, etc. She writes about little things, like “how to annoy me” or just everyday occurrences, played out to the max, some of the things I can relate to. Apparently some people think she’s too negative or makes a big deal out of nothing. What people don’t understand is that you can’t take that kind of thing seriously. For some of us, that’s just a form of humour.

So I kept reading and thinking, wow, it’s like I’m looking into a possible future. Now I know I’m not that funny in writing (yet), but as I said, that’s a part of me I’d like to develop. See the thing is, that I’ve never had a role model. That might sound sad to some, but I’ve never missed it. When people asked: who do you want to be like? I said: like myself. That’s still true, in the sense that I don’t want to copy anyone. I want to be inspired by the similarities between us and take those further.

And since then I’ve been commenting a lot more on other sites, and thinking a lot more about all kinds of stuff, and wanting to voice my own opinion (like I used to before I moved to Europe, got rejected over many years for being different, and started questioning everything I did, or said, or thought). Hence the blog: I’m speaking up, with a little help from my friends, who will hopefully also voice their opinions.

So thank you dooce – who has no clue I exist – for inspiring me and making me laugh (I still read daily).  Sadly, I don’t own such a bad ass camera to also take very nice pictures which I could post. By the way: I totally want your dog.