At a loss

Michael Jackson died yesterday. I was up much later than planned and happened to come across a news show that was starting, where they stated that they had just received the message from LA that he had been rushed to the hospital, possibly not breathing or with a heart attack. Then he was allegedly in a coma, then the first sources started saying he had died. I waited up until almost 1 a.m. to hear them confirm it – It was such incredible news, I just couldn’t believe it. This morning it was all over the media of course – the legend, the king of pop, has passed away at 50. I was shocked.

It wasn’t until they interviewed someone my age on the radio that it really hit me. I was born in 1985, so after the big solo-career and Thriller-hype (which is still the best-selling album of all times). My introduction came with Black and White and the album Dangerous. I was hooked – I can’t tell you how much. An old friend from NJ even wrote to me on Facebook to ask if I had heard, because she remembered how I was such a huge fan when we were young. I had all the albums (as tapes – tapes, people, it’s that long ago), videotapes, t-shirts, caps, posters, … a friend even gave me one of those big cloth-posters to hang on my wall as a present. I loved the Jackson 5 in retrospect and collected all his solo work. I watched the videos for hours on end and made my friends sing karaoke to his songs on my birthday. I even forced my big sister to reenact Beat It with me (and got upset when she wasn’t doing it right). She also wrote to me this morning, to say I’ll be the only one who can do it right, now.

After the radio interview with that 23-year-old guy they played They Don’t Care About Us - the first MJ song I had heard in years, a decade at least. And when I realized that I still knew every beat and every word and all the emotions came floating up – that’s when my eyes got teary for the first time. Because that’s when it hit me that he had been such a huge influence in my childhood. I had repressed those years until now, because at some point I grew out of it and then it started to get embarrassing because he was more known for his excentricity and the problems than for his music. But since this morning I have immersed myself in his songs and videos and it all came screaming back to me… and I could kick myself that I didn’t bring those tapes / CDs back with me, because that’s all I wanted to listen to today.

If I ever had an idol, it was him. Not only was he a perfectionist, entertainer, performer, musician but he actually invented dance moves that were then known all over the world. And not only was he an exceptional dancer, the lyrics in his music reminded me of how he was the one who first gave me a sense of belonging to a world community, to feel responsible for people who might be very far away but aren’t that different and who need help, to open my eyes concerning what we were doing to our earth. I think there a more things I identify with today that I owe to this influence than I had realized up until now. And seeing that this is now a closed chapter I have to leave behind makes me very sad. This is a sad day. Rest in peace, Michael Jackson.

Wanna see!

I just heard about this new movie that will come out this year, called Away We Go. It’s directed by Sam Mendes (Jarhead, Road to Perdition, American Beauty) and written by Dave Eggers and Vendela Vida. Now if that’s not enough convincing you, just know that the wonderful Maggie Gyllenhaal plays a hilarious hippie-feminist extremist in it.

It’s an independent movie about growing up, finding out what you “should” be like at a certain age, where you should be, and how different views of the world or mindsets influence the way we bring up our children, our relationships, our friendships. But see for yourselves:

Boooorrrriiiing

Hello everyone – I need your help. You see, Monday was my last day of internship at the hospital I worked at. And although that meant I had to be there by the ungodly hour of 8h30 in the morning, it did give me something meaningful to do. And I learned a lot, and it was such an enriching experience, bla bla bla. Now it’s gone. All I have left in front of me is three weeks of learning for the educational psychology exam. I’ve already flunked it once, which shows how much the subject thrills me. Sure, it’s my last ever exam before I get my diploma, so not that much can go wrong, so I’m not putting too much pressure on myself. After all, if I fail again I’ll get exmatriculated just as well (aaahhh!).

I have not come here to bitch around, nay, but to forgo an exploration of solutions. Since my schedule is wide open and consequently time has no more palpable meaning to me, I am going batshit insane with boredom. Three whole weeks with nothing to fill them but learning… and gym, three times a week (yes, I have upgraded). So here’s my question to you: how do you hard working, time schedule having people out there maintain a healthy work-life-balance? I spend my learning breaks by seeing what’s new on the interwebs, but that can only entertain for so long. TV and series and such equally make my brain mush, and I can’t read for all the reading I’ve done over the day, thus making my eyes cross. Going out into nature is always nice, but then I get this creeping feeling of having to actually do something instead of just sitting around. And actually going out and doing something always costs money, plus it would be nice to find company who also has time to tag along.

Don’t get me wrong – all these ideas look fine to me. I know everything has pros and cons. I just thought I’d write a shout-out and ask you guys: any hot advice on how to fill time, get my mind on something else, get a load of the shoulders? What do you do to unwind?