I’m from Jersey. I keep it real.

Before my sister came to visit I was surfing the web, and I don’t remember how exactly, but I came across several pages about New Jersey. I’m sure the time I spent growing up over there still influences me today, although I’m not as a typical Jersian as I would be had I stayed there. On Saturday I watched “Clerks”, a funny and almost legendary movie in which you can hear some typical Jersey accents, which are pretty hard to pin point.

So on these other sites I visited I summed up some quotes and descriptions about Jersey, for all of those who would like to know more about my state and set some stereotypes straight. Watch out, it’s really long:

 

New Jersey people are conceited. It’s true. We never stop talking about how great New Jersey is. Then we tell people to “shut the fuck up” when they tell us all we talk about is Jersey. We might curse too much.

Why are New Jersey people self centred? Because we have reason to be. First of all, some of the most famous people have come from our state. Just to name A FEW…
Jon Bon Jovi, Zach Braff, Kirsten Dunst, Gloria Gaynor, Allen Ginsberg, Lauryn Hill, Whitney Houston, My Chemical Romance, Jack Nicholson, [Tara Reid], Philip Roth, Frank Sinatra, Kevin Spacey, Bruce Springsteen, Martha Stewart, Meryl Streep, John Travolta, Bruce Willis… and the list goes on. It would be double for people not from Jersey, but who live here. Not only do we have famous people… We rank in the top 10 of smartest states every year.

Not only are we smart and famous… we’re rich. Bergen, Somerset, Morris, and Hunterdon rank in the top 15 richest counties. And despite the slums of Newark and Camden which are some of the countries most dangerous places to live, we have 4 of the top 10 safest cities to live in the US.

And we smell? Yeah, we do. On the turnpike, between exits 14 and 17. That’s like 5 percent of the entire state… Bayonne, port Newark, and Secaucus. That’s it. The majority of the state smells like  green trees, leaves and grass. Because the majority of the state is trees. In fact, three of New Jersey’s cities rank in the countries top 10 least polluted cities. So shove it.

New Jersey is ideal. I live 20 minutes away from New York City, two hours away from Philadelphia, it’s a 4 hour drive to Washington DC, an hour away from the famous Jersey shore (The shore is amazing. It’s the best fucking shore in the country) and 15 minutes to the nearest mall – 20 minutes to the next, and a half hour to the next. I just counted… 7 malls within a half hour of my house. Find me another state that has all that to offer.

Yeah, we have accents. Who gives a shit? Everyone has an accent. And no, we don’t say “joisey.” Noone over here ever does. It’s pronounced “Jurzee”. We do say “cawfee” and “tawk.” And we pull our vowels sometime. And oh yeah, we say “yo”, often, and “fuck.” I don’t complain that you say “y’all” so don’t complain that I say “yo.”

And we can’t drive? No. you can’t drive. New Jersey drivers like pissing other people off solely because of the reputation. If we see out of state license plates, we’ll tailgate your ass. Probably because you’re doing the speed limit and we want to go 20 over. Then, we’ll cut you off… and go slow in front of you. Because we can. And because when you go home you’re gonna complain about us. We like fast things. Things move too slow in other states. You can tell that someone’s from New Jersey by the way they walk. They walk really fast and have a strut that says “I’m better than you.” Because all you bitches hate us. How would you feel if the other 49 states spent all their time talking shit? We deserve to be our own country ‘cause we’re that cool.

Music scene? amazing. Bloomfield ave cafe… starlight ballroom… enough said. We have the best local bands, the best punk scene, and probably 97 percent of the country’s emo kids. And the rap scene? I don’t know much about it… but I know it’s there. And I know it’s good. And obviously the club scene. You don’t know techno music until you come into New Jersey… SERIOUSLY. And, we all love each other. I was at a party the other day and I met these guys that were best friends… a scene kid, an abercrombie wearing kid, and a ghetto kid. Why? Because we don’t give a fuck about labels. We throw the sickest parties… in the woods.

What else? Giants, Jets, Nets, and of course the Devils. They’re better than you. So shut the fuck up. And we have more Yankee fans than New York City. Come to jersey with a Sox hat on… I dare you.

Hungry? Don’t worry. We have 24 hour diners. A million of them. We also have Hoboken which has some of the finest places to eat.

To sum up New Jersey: yeah, most of the stereotypes are true, probably for about 5 percent of the state. The rest of the state is beautiful. In New Jersey, you could watch the sun rise on the east coast, and watch it set on the west. You can climb a mountain in the morning, swim in the ocean in the afternoon, and get robbed at gunpoint in Newark by night. It’s the only state where massive oil refineries and dairy farms are only a few miles apart. You have a crazy busy industrious North, and a more set back relaxed south. Last, but not least, you can always be sure that where ever you are, a 24-hour diner is near by.

“We are from Jersey.
Not New Jersey, just Jersey.
We curse a lot.
We say “yo” and we say it often.
We sure as hell don’t pump our own gas.
We never had school on Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur.
We know what real pizza tastes like and we know that a bagel is much more than a roll with a hole in the middle.
We judge people by what exit they are off the turnpike or by what mall they live closest to.
We drive SUVs and we tailgate any chance we get.
We can navigate a circle with attitude.
All good nights must end in a diner, preferably with cheese fries.
It’s a sub, not a hoagie or a hero and we wash it down with soda, not pop.
We don’t go to the beach, we go down the shore.
And boardwalk brawls are just a part of the atmosphere… and New York City is “the city.”
We know 65 mph means 85.
When someone cuts us off, they get the horn AND the finger… and they expect it.
It’s NJ BABY!”

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2 thoughts on “I’m from Jersey. I keep it real.

  1. so i enjoyed reading about new jersey a lot, but puh-leeeeez take tara reid the porridge-bellied-woman out of the list of famous people from there =) she doesn’t deserve to be named next to zach braff, jack nicholson, bruce willis or kevin spacey!

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