Envy

Envy (Latin, invidia)

Like greed, envy may be characterized by an insatiable desire. Those who commit the sin of envy resent that another person has something they perceive themselves as lacking, and wish the other person to be deprived of it.

This is considered to be a typical female feature, which almost prompts me to not relate to it. I’m kind of poled the other way sometimes, as I have pointed out in “lust”, and it’s not like I consider myself to be masculine or anything, it’s just that I defy the stereotypes. But usually, I guess, women are prone to be envious of others. Of how they look, what they’re wearing, and then they get all catty about it. Men might be envious of status, or material goods, I guess. But since I’m not really into that superficial stuff (except when it comes to entertainment), I’m more envious of spiritual goods.

For example, I’m jealous of all the stuff The BF knows. Like, it’s really hard to find a (meaningful) subject in which he gets stumped, doesn’t know a reference or can’t explain something. And that bothers me because I like to know stuff. That’s my thing. And he (more often than not) knows more. Sure, he’s older and reads the newspaper, whereas I cultivate myself with MTV, but still. When it does occur that I know something he doesn’t, I have a really hard time not getting all smug about it and rubbing it in his face. Because, really, he did nothing to deserve that. And besides, I do not believe in the practice of “depriving” someone of something to make yourself feel better. Do you really have to push others down to lift yourself up? I don’t think so.

Right now, of course, I am more envious of the people who have already passed the exam I have to take tomorrow, especially if they did well in it. Because it always seems so effortless for others, and I’m struggling, and will maybe get a mediocre grade. Now here’s an occasion where it would help if all the others looked really bad. In that sense – wish me luck, I hope I will be able to close this series with pride, rightfully.

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