Why the tale of my totally awesome trip will not be told

Wow, it’s been a while again, huh? Happy new years! Stuff has been happening over here.

When I came back from my trip to the east coast, it changed things. I was starting to get a better understanding of myself, rekindling with lost parts. A whole identity crisis, if you will (I discovered that in the seminar we had about crisis…). Along with all the other emotionally charged seminars we had this semester, stuff was in turmoil. I switched to half time at my job at the hospital, to make more time for my ambulant patients. That wasn’t going smoothly either, seeing that my team would’t back me up in the transition and, on the contrary, starting telling me I wasn’t doing good therapy and getting all up in my business. And I had no idea what I was doing with the ambulants.

The BF starting unravelling he had been feeling “unsatisfied” for some time, we kept arguing, he said his feelings were diminished. With many backs and forths and rattling of our already over-worked brains we tried different possible solutions and were failing. Long story short, come december the person now formerly known as The BF and I split. It is supposed to be temporary, we want to meet up again in march, but it doesn’t look like this is going anywhere. It was a very rough couple of weeks / months for me, and after a very hard first week after the breakup I am feeling surprisingly freed and lighter. Seeing that he was pretty much annoyed with everything I said or did in the end, I’m supposing he feels the same way.

Oh, and I forgot to say – while this was all going on – I had my dysfunctional family to face. Since, originally, The F(ormer)BF and I planned to spend christmas together, away from our families, I had to announce this to them sometime. Which I did. Which led to a discussion about why I didn’t feel comfortable at home, a conversation I have been avoiding for a very long time. Thinking I wasn’t going to see them for a long time, I decided to drive to France for Halloween to clarify things. It was hard – for me to say just as much as for them to hear – but I think it was helpful. After all, christmas went much better than last year and I even survived having my sisters come back with me for new years.

So here we are, the new year. A fresh start. I feel great. I chucked my old laptop and bought my very first mac. I am sorting out old files, I am also rebooting myself. Spending time with myself, taking care of myself, getting to know myself, relying on friends, meeting new people. Yes – new people. Already… There’s more to that coming.

To quote Gladiator: ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED!?


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